This story is a sequel to ‘They spiked my drink‘ where the victim, Miss E, takes us through a glimpse into her world after the gruesome savage attack on her body, the violation of her body, mind and soul.
Take a moment to wear her shoes for a minute and experience the confusion, despair, the anguish she experienced not only immediately after the incident, but up-to 30 years post assault.
Rape is not just about injury to the physical body, but more so to the mind and soul. Physical injury can also include sexually transmitted diseases and /or impregnation. Studies have shown that emotional wounds are far more devastating than physical wounds, this article demonstrates just that.
As Miss E has said, victims can receive healing by reaching out for help, male and female alike. I therefore urge victims of sexual violence, be it at the hands of a stranger, intimate partner or close relative, break the silence. Reach out for help. Don’t suffer in silence.
Dear Dr Kizzie,
Thank you for posting the article on the spiked drink rape. It is my hope that it helped someone come out of a similar closet of sexual abuse.
It saddened me that there are those who spoke ill of your absence from work, but then there are those that you reach and we are grateful.
I think it is time I shared with you more on what happened to me after the spiked drink ordeal.
Back to my early years.
In the immediate aftermath of the rape,several thoughts and emotions became my daily companions, much to my chagrin because it was a continuous torment. These, to mention a few, were:
1) extreme shame and a feeling of nakedness: I felt like everyone could see what had happened to me and even see me naked. I walked with my head held low, couldn’t look at anyone in the face/eyes, it felt like they could see right through me. It felt like everyone was laughing at me and judging me as the culprit. There was no sympathy.
2) fear and suspicion: I was suspicious of all males at campus, wondering if maybe they too were part of the gang/group that raped me. Needless to say, I avoided passing by the hall where I found myself the morning after the ordeal, and definitely dreaded any chance encounter with the known perpetrator. I was afraid someone would lock me up in the bathroom,or hostel, or even classroom. It was an irrational fear.
3) helplessness: it was awful not getting justice. I spoke to a friend, and we went to the janitor, but were made to understand that it would be turned around to reflect me as cheap and a liar, and would result in a situation where it would be near impossible to continue my studies at the university.In those days we did not have much choice where institutions of higher learning were involved. It was a case of lick your wounds and move on. Painful.
4) anger and bitterness: this came much later, after the fear, suspicion, shame and helplessness had become a way of life, and it had become evident that I was in a hopeless situation. By then nightmares and cold sweats were constant nocturnal companions, coldness towards and withdrawal from men the only sensible behavior where I was concerned, they were an evil I had to avoid.
In retrospect, this was my emotional and mental state even into my marriage shortly after, considering I did not engage in any counselling or even share this ordeal with any older, mature, nurturing adult. I did not realize at the time that I was still emotionally raw and hurting. I can now begin to understand how it turned out that I endured persistent rape from my husband. I was a victim into the marriage and continued being one in the marriage.
Thank you for talking to people to break the silence. To anyone reading this, do not be silent. It is possible to lose 20, 30 years in a state of abuse because of the misguided belief that if people know it will bring shame. No, spill it out, get healing, live a wholesome, healthy(mentally, emotionally), enjoyable and valued life, as God intended for you. Do not share a secret with one who hurts and offends you in such a manner, break the silence as Dr Kizzie is encouraging us to. Life is short and precious. I lost many years, decades, to victim mentality, you must break the silence.